And if you don’t write it down, you’ll forget it.

This is something I’m learning. Sometimes its big like getting your car broke into. Sometimes its memorable like shooting a friend in the nipple with a bb gun. But most of the time, its something sweet, or thought-provoking, or life-teaching, but its small enough you’ll forget it in a few hours if you don’t write it down.

But I have a feeling these stories could be the most powerful, because they speak the most to everyday life.

Today I slept in. I woke up, and decided I’d take a break from this retreat of mine to watch the Gopher basketball game. And I did. And we blew a 13 point lead and lost to the #7 team in the country. It wasn’t a game of missed calls, but missed opportunities.

And it’s raining outside… in January. January rain is not spring rain. Spring rain is nice, its 50 degrees, and you know flowers are on the way. January rain (a rare thing in Minnesota) means the rain is ice cold when it lands on you. And it means it’s going to freeze on the roads. And it means traffic’s going to be a pain going to wherever you’re going.

This morning I woke up to a pretty interesting dream. One where my brother lived far away – that sucked, a friend was making interesting lifestyle choices and I was going to have to approach him – that sucks, and a facebook friend’s status was divisive and arrogant. Why did I dream this all in the same dream? I don’t know, but I did. That’s how my day started.

I just sat in my car for 5 minutes because I didn’t want to walk in the rain or come into this coffeeshop. Why? I don’t know… I really don’t…

I’m in a funnier mood today than I was yesterday, and my car was broke into yesterday. It seems these days pick you and you don’t pick them, doesn’t it?

So how do I live in the reality of the Gospel when I feel like blah (yes, it is possible to feel like “blah”).

I’ve been reading in Romans. It’s heavy for sure. Sometimes that can affect my day too because I get bogged down with little things instead focusing on the primary picture of the book: the good news of those saved because of Jesus.

But Romans has a word for me for days like today.

“The Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.” Romans 8:26

Blah = unspoken groanings? Possibly…

God is there even when I’m in a strange mood like today. It sure is easy to beat myself up for this strange mood. I tell myself, “Nate, 200,000 people in Haiti are dead, a country is torn apart, and here you feeling bad about nothing that matters.” And it’s true… but it doesn’t make the feeling go away.

And so the big question, I suppose, is how do I live in the reality of the Gospel – the forgiveness, love, and new identity that comes with Jesus saving me – even when my feelings are telling me something entirely different. I think that actually these feelings are meant to point me back to the Gospel and remind me of its greatness. And to produce gratitude that my relationship with God is not based on me or what I’ve earned or on my feelings at a specific moment, but on what Jesus has done for me.

The challenge is to get the emotions to live in the reality. And maybe that won’t happen until I wake up in tomorrow morning. But I do know I’m thankful it is true, because God only knows that there is something seriously wrong with being bothered by a Gopher basketball loss and not bothered with a gigantic earthquake that killed massive amounts of people.

Of course I’m over generalizing, but I think you may understand… days like today remind me of the desperate state of my humanity, and the need for a redeemer and forgiver who will one day set it all right, restore things to their intended purposes, and set me all right.

I wonder what tomorrow’s story will be…