Something you should know about my house: we have a mouse. We’ve named him Henry. He’s really not a bad guy at all, but we still want him dead. We had the idea of getting bb guns and shooting him, since it would be cheaper than mousetraps since we already owned bb guns. Well, once you shoot your oven door out (Shhh!!!!!, we still aren’t sure how that happened. Must’ve been some wicked ricochet), you learn your lesson and put the bb guns away.

Something else you should know. My roommate Charlie and I decided on a whim to shoot each other one time, just to see how it felt. It wasn’t that bad. About a second and a half after the initial contact, you feel this weird “zing” sensation, but in 10 minutes, your fine.

Well, after packing food to send to the victims of the Haitian earthquake, Joel, Jonny, my roommate Jef, and myself headed back to the house, to find Charlie standing over a vent saying he’d seen Henry and blocked the vent so Henry would not escape. So I pull out all the bb guns (3 to be exact) and we cock the guns, aim the guns, remove the stuff covering the vent, and… Henry had disappeared. But a piece of pizza crust lay where he must’ve been. I didn’t drop that pizza crust in the vent. Nor did Charlie or Jef. Henry must’ve hit the jackpot a few days back and somehow managed to pull that pizza crust down to his secret lair. Kinda reminds me of Ratatouille.

Well, since the guns were cocked, we need to shoot them somewhere. Joel immediately shoots his in the dirt of a potted plant. I mention to Joel that Charlie and I have shot each other with bb guns in the bum. Joel says, “really,” turns around, and is ready for his turn.

I said, “really? you want me to shoot you?” He gave me the go-ahead, and go ahead I did.

Jef, not to be outdone by Joel’s heroics, pulls up his shirt to reveal the abs he’s been working hard on, flexes, and says, “go.”

I say, “Really?” He gives me the go-ahead and I go-ahead.

Jef does not flinch. I say, “did I hit you?” He said, “Ya, look” and points nonchalantly at the pink spot beginning to appear on his abs.

Jonny, not to be outdone, stands in front of me, and pulls his shirt all the way up. I think to myself, “self, I could aim for the nipple. If I miss, no biggie, right? But if I hit, wouldn’t that be funny?”

Jonny doesn’t know these thoughts of mine, but gives me the go-ahead and I go ahead. And hit the nipple! I can still see the slow-mo replay in my mind. And the slow-mo replay of Jonny as he grabs for his nipple and dives to the couch making funny noises. And I can hear the slow-mo uncontrollable laughter of the rest of us in the room.

Jef’s abs hurt from getting shot with a bb gun. My and everyone else (accept Jonny’s) abs hurt from laughing so hard. I could hardly believe my good aim! And Jonny’s third nipple (from the mark the bb left).

So that definitely happened last night. Some would call us dumb. I would agree because I don’t think smart guys go around shooting each other bb guns.

This blog is not an endorsement to shoot your friends with bb guns too. It is descriptive of what happened, not prescriptive.

On a side note, today I took my first major fall of the winter when I slipped on the ice. I scraped my hand. If I were 80, that fall would’ve sent me to the nursing home. But I’m 24, young and resilient. Just wondering if Jonny put a hex on me last night for shooting his nipple?…